I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You brought string cheese to the strip club
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
