I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
No subtext here. People are naked.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
