While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
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