For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Randomize
