I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
