If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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