i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock deserves a montage
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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