just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
