My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
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