My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
