never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
