I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
