her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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