So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
