there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
