He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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