I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Randomize
