yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
