The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
