No, you can still breathe under the balls.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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