"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
