Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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