WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
