i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Randomize