i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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