I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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