that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
