Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
