i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
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Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
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Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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