It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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