What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i wish my penis had a tongue
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
this hospital has no fireball
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
