i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
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