I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
