omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The feeling are messing with the penis
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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