she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
