That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
