You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
it's like iHOP with fire
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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