i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize