i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Randomize
