It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
