I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Randomize
