His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
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