can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize