can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
