She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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