then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
