I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Randomize