Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
