Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
