What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Is it penis luge time yet?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
