Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
