he looks like a really good dad on facebook
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
