bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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