1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I am midnight drunk by noon
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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