i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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