the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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