It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
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