Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
My ATM looks so different sober.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
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