im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
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