I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
