2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
