she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
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