hotel room ftw
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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