So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Farmville is her only friend.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
