I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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