It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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