I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
