I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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