my soul wont recognize me after tonight
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
