Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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